“People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.”

~Thich Nhat Hanh

I get it. It sounds almost impossible to let go of pain when pain is all we’ve known. When those who inflicted pain on us go on with life as if nothing happened while we are psychologically stuck in the trauma of it all. When the pain of regret comes gushing down on us and we don’t know how to move on. I have been there. I know how it feels.

While our pain is valid, holding on to it brings us more harm than good. It’s like getting bitten by a snake and then running after it to ask why it bit you instead of figuring out how to heal. Let it be. Let it go. I know it’s not as easy as it sounds. Partly because you have lived in pain for so long, it has become your identity. You don’t know who you are without your pain and that makes it almost impossible for you to let go.

I want to let you know that it is possible to let go of the past hurt. When you finally let go, you will feel like a burden has been lifted off your shoulder. You will find the energy to create a new future for yourself. You will reclaim your power. Dare to let it go and see how better life gets. The peace, joy, and happiness you long for is on the other side of your fear. Are you brave enough to go for it?

If you are, I hope that this article provides you with the insights you need about the process of letting go.

“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”

~Epictetus

What is letting go?

Letting go means having the willingness to free yourself from your attachment to the past or future imaginations and living in the present moment.

To let go does not mean to get rid of.  To let go means to let be. When we let be with compassion, things come and go on their own. Remember, letting go is not a quick fix. It is a process of continuous surrender of painful beliefs and emotions. Be patient and self-compassionate and keep letting go. One day, the pain will be gone.

Before we dive into some of the ways to let go, let me share with you a profound realization that amplified my process of letting go.

YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS

Your thoughts don’t define who you are. Thoughts are like clouds passing in the sky- temporary and ever-changing. You are the observer of your thoughts and that means that you exist beyond them.

Thoughts are merely thoughts. Not indicators that paint who we are. They are merely objects of the mind and through their perspective, they are nothing but passing clouds. Therefore, you should not take them personally. Let them come and go, just like the clouds.

We will dive deeper into this in a different article. If that is an area you’d like to explore, then subscribe to our newsletter so you do not miss on more insights.

For now, realize that you are not your thoughts. You are the some of so much more, including your intent, and most importantly, your actions.

Here are the 12 ways to let go of negative emotions and find inner peace:

 

1. Recognize and acknowledge the pain

 

The first step to letting go is to acknowledge the pain, fear, or discomfort that you feel. Your pain is valid. You did not deserve what you went through but you have the responsibility to heal and move forward. By acknowledging your pain, you give yourself permission to be human. Acknowledging your pain places you on a healing trajectory. Cry. Forgive. Learn. Move on. Let the tears water the seeds of your future happiness.

2. Let go of emotional attachments

When I learned that it was okay to stop clinging to emotions that made me sad and miserable, I felt liberated. I did not have to wear my pain as a badge of honor anymore. Letting go of emotional attachments and judgments involves accepting and allowing emotions to be, without trying to suppress or control them. Feel the pain and let it be. It will pass, just like the clouds in the sky. 

3. Practice forgiveness and acceptance

”Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you intense muscles, a headache, and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life.”

~Joan Lunden

It took me a long time to understand that forgiveness does not mean condoning or excusing behavior but instead, recognizing that what has happened has happened and that it may be time to move on. If you struggle with this, consider that when you forgive, you don’t do it for others but to free yourself. This also involves forgiving yourself for your own past mistakes. Realize that mistakes and failures are natural parts of life.

4. Surrendering control

Relinquish the need to control external circumstances. Learn to accept what is, rather than trying to manipulate or force outcomes. This also means embracing both the pleasant and the unpleasant aspects of life. Let’s face it, the external world is shaky, uncertain, and constantly changing. This can cause us to want to take control. Only that, this strategy never works because we can’t get a firm grasp on the fluidity of life. Every time we try to control the external world, we end up getting stressed, hurt, depressed, anxious, frustrated, and angry.

Surrendering control therefore means that we let go of our systems and instincts to get control, let go of trying to make the world exactly as we like it, try to avoid all the things we dislike, and instead, relax, accepting, even surrender to the uncertainty of the external world.

5. Living in the present moment

Letting go involves releasing attachments to the past and the future and fully experiencing the present moment. Constantly thinking about the past and worrying about the future can make it difficult to enjoy the good things in your life in the here and now. Learning how to be more mindful and live in the moment can give you a greater appreciation for your life, help reduce stress, and minimize anxiety.

6. Cultivate self-compassion

Having self compassion means being able to relate to yourself in a way that is forgiving, accepting, and loving even in situations that are less than optimal. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you will offer to a dear friend. This may look like giving ourselves support and encouragement rather than being cold and judgmental when challenges and difficulty arise in our lives.

7. Embrace imperfection

Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: ” if I look perfect, live perfectly, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame. In reality, there is no such thing as perfect. We set ourselves up for failure when we try to be perfect because we overlook the fact that failure and mistakes are natural aspects of life. When we do fail, it confirms our belief to be more perfect and the whole process becomes a vicious cycle.

Recognize that imperfection is a natural part of being human, and it doesn’t diminish your value or worth. Let go of the belief that you need to be perfect to be worthy of love and belonging.

8. Avoid Ruminating

Rumination is when you feel stuck in a cycle of negative thoughts. By thinking about the problem constantly, you have the illusion of control, yet because you are always in the thinking mode, you never move towards action that could resolve the issue or de-intensify the feeling.

Dwelling on negative thoughts or replaying distressing events in your mind can hinder the process of letting go. Redirect your focus towards more positive and constructive thoughts so that your thoughts serve you instead of punishing you. Remember, you are not your thoughts!

9. Cultivate authenticity

Letting go begins with being true to ourselves. Embrace your authentic self, including your imperfections, and avoid the need to constantly seek approval and validation from others. When we let go of this need, we liberate ourselves from the opinions and expectations of others. Embracing our authentic selves means being comfortable with who we are, irrespective of others judgments.

By releasing the need for approval, we gain the freedom to express our thoughts, emotions, and passions authentically. Not only that but when we are not silencing our inner voices for the voices and validation of others, our innate wisdom can bloom and grow.

10. Setting healthy personal boundaries

A boundary is a limit or edge that defines you as separate from others. Therefore, personal boundaries are the mental, emotional, and physical walls we create to protect ourselves from being used, manipulated, drained, or violated by others.

By setting healthy boundaries with others, we clarify what is and not acceptable. That way, we protect our emotional well-being by avoiding feelings of resentment, overwhelm, or being taken advantage of. Over time, prioritizing setting healthy boundaries reinforces self-worth and strengthens your ability to prioritize your needs over external validation.

11. Cultivate Gratitude

Gratitude is the practice of recognizing and appreciating the good things we have in our lives. It involves acknowledging the blessings, kindness, and beauty that surround us, even in the midst of difficult circumstances. By acknowledging the positive aspects of our lives and releasing resentments, we can experience profound healing and embrace a more fulfilling existence.

12. Release attachment to outcomes

Letting go of our attachment to the outcome is freeing. It helps us to be more present with the doing, the being, the act itself, rather than what might come in the future. It can help us have a better relationship to ourselves, as we focus on our own well-being and contentment, rather than some external source of possible outcome.

What can you focus on instead of the outcome?

Focus on what you hope to bring to the task rather than what you hope to get out of it. It is how you want to show up right now, rather than how you want things to turn out in the future.

For example; I intend to provide value in the information I share as I write this post; I intend to be mindful and appreciative of nature as I go out for a walk or a run.

2. The Effort

Instead of worrying about how things will turn out, pay attention instead to how much effort you are putting on the task at hand and how mindful you are as you do it. How much love and care are you giving it?

3. The process

The outcome is a result of the process. Therefore, if you are not getting the outcome you want, focus on improving the process. What can you do better? Which areas can you improve on?

4. The moment

What is beautiful about this particular moment when you are doing the action? What can you notice? Can you be curious as you do the act instead of having a fixed mindset? What is there to appreciate about yourself, about the other person?

5. Relationships

Much more important than the outcome is the relationship you have with the people you are serving and are working with, or your relationship with your loved ones.

when we are focused on the outcome, we disregard the feelings of the people we are working with, snapping at them when they are not doing things the way we’d like. instead, we can focus on our connection with them, on finding ways to make them enjoy the process more, on being loving or compassionate.

Letting go is a journey, not a destination, and finding inner peace is a deeply personal process. The 12 ways outlined in this post are starting points to help you release what no longer serves you and create space for what truly matters.

Remember, healing takes time, and every time you let go, you cast a vote for a lighter, more peaceful you. Which of these steps resonated most with you? Share your thoughts in the comments- I’d love to hear your perspective.

Thank you for reading, and may your journey inner peace bring you clarity, strength and joy. The article continues with a curated list of quotes that will inspire you on your journey. Check that out if you’d like to and consider subscribing to my email list for more insights, or share this post with someone who might need it.

 

inspiring Letting Go Quotes

The following is a list of carefully curated letting go quotes created to support and inspire you on your journey.

” Holding on is believing that there’s only a past; letting go is knowing that there’s a future”

Daphne Rose Kingma

“letting go is the willingness to change your beliefs in order to bring more peace and joy into your life instead of holding onto beliefs that bring pain and suffering.

Hal Tipper

“Once you realize you deserve a bright future, letting go of your dark past is the best decision you will ever make.

Roy T. Bennet

“I demolish the bridges behind me…then there is no choice than to move forward.

Fridtjof Nansen

”Courage is the power to let go of the familiar”

Raymond Lindquist

”Let go of certainty. The opposite isn’t uncertainty. It’s openness, curiosity and willingness to embrace paradox, rather than choose up sides. The ultimate challenge is to accept ourselves exactly as we are, but never stop trying to learn and grow.

Tony Schwartz

” The day I understood everything, was the day I stopped trying to figure everything out. The day I knew peace was the day I let everything go.

Unknown

” Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again., the one show that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Paulo Coelho

” Thing are as they are. We suffer because we imagined different.

Rachel Wolchin

” Cry. Forgive. Learn. Move on. Let your tears water the seeds of your future happiness.”

Steve Maraboli

“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. Its just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.

Deborah Reber

” Letting go isn’t a one-time thing, it’s something you have to do every day, over and over again.

Dawson’s creek

” To let go does not mean to get rid of. to let go means to let be. When we let be with compassion, things come and go on their own.

Jack Kornfield

”Sometimes people come into your life just to teach you how to let go.

Unknown

” We keep ourselves so tied up in regretting the past and fearing the future that we don’t have any energy left to figure out who we are and what we want to create right now.

Gay Hendrix

” Anything I cannot transform into something marvelous, I let go.

Anais nin

”The decision to let go of that which has completed its course in your experience is even more important than the decision to welcome new ideas. You cannot walk forward by looking backward. New wine cannot be put in old bottles.

Raymond Charles Baker

”In the process of letting go, you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself.

Deepak Chopra

”Anything you can’t control is teaching you how to let go.

Jackson Kiddard

” People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.

Thich Nhat Hanh

”Don’t dwell on what went wrong. Instead, focus on what to do next. Spend your energy moving forward together towards an answer.

Denis Waitley

”Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it.

Eckhart Tolle

”When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.

Catherine Ponder

”Life moves on and so should we.

Spencer Johnson

”The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.

Steve Maraboli

”You only struggle because you’re ready to grow but aren’t willing to let go.

Drew Gerald

”When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.

Alexander Graham Bell

”You will evolve past certain people. Let yourself.

Mandy Hale

”You can only loose what you cling to.

Buddha

”We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.

Joseph Campbell

”If you want to forget something or someone, never hate it, or never hate him/her. Everything and everyone that you hate is engraved upon your heart; if you want to let go of something, if you want to forget, you cannot hate.

C. JoyBell C

”We do not heal the past be dwelling there; we heal the past by living fully in the present.

Marianne Williamson

”One problem about gazing too frequently into the past is that we may turn around to find the future has run out on us.

Michael Cibenko

”Letting go may sound so simple, but rarely is it a one time thing. Just keep on letting go, until one day it’s gone for good.

Eleanor Brown

”I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.

Carl Jung

”I am guilty of giving people more chances than they deserve but when I’m done, I’m done

Turcois Ominek

”Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die

Buddha