The external world is a flux of constant change. A close friend might move away, a job opportunity might unexpectedly fall through, we may lose a friend or family, or a cherished possession could be lost or stolen. Attachment to this impermanence becomes the source of our suffering.
Usually, when our expectations clash with reality, it leads to feelings of disappointment, frustration, resentment, and anxiety. This is not a bad thing. That’s the transient nature of life. Experiencing each of these emotions is what makes us human. However, when we cling to these emotions or suppress them, we suffer immensely.
”I am like this because of what happened to me 5, 10 or 20 years ago!”
You are simply saying that something happened to you and you never grew from it. You decided to be a victim and wear your pain as a badge of honor. You have a role in your own suffering.
I don’t mean to say that what you have been through doesn’t matter. But if you keep identifying as a victim, then that is all you will ever be. Labels create our limitations. And the last time I checked, being a victim doesn’t come with pleasant emotions. It makes us feel helpless and incapable. The real deal is in transmuting our pain into power. How do we do that? By letting go of the things that hold us back and changing our story from a victim to a creator of our reality. Its not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.
The first step towards rewriting your story is through letting go of the one that no longer serve you.
Why is it hard to let go?
”People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of the fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar
~Thich Nhat
Letting go can be difficult for several reasons:
- Emotional attachment
It is difficult to let go of people, places, memories, and possessions that we have a strong emotional bond with. Usually, letting go of these attachments can feel like loosing a part of ourselves.
2. Fear of the unknown
Letting go of familiar situations, relationships, or beliefs can evoke fear of uncertainty about what lies ahead. The unknown can be intimidating. Therefore, our minds may resist change to avoid potential risks or discomfort.
3. Sense of identity
We derive our sense of identity and security from our attachments. Letting go of them may challenge our perception of who we are and how we fit into the world, leading to feelings of confusion or lose of self.
4. Social expectations
Societal norms and expectations often influence our decisions and behaviors. Letting go of attachments that are valued or expected by others may provoke judgement, criticism, or disapproval, creating additional pressure to maintain the status quo.
5. Comfort Zone
Even if our attachments no longer serve us, they provide a sense of familiarity and comfort. Letting go requires stepping outside of our comfort zone. It can feel daunting and requires courage to embrace the unknown.
6. Investment of time and energy
We may have invested significant time, effort, energy into maintaining our attachments. Letting go can feel like admitting that our investment was in vain, leading to feelings of regret or resistance.
7. Attachment to Control
Holding onto attachments can give us a sense of control over our lives, even if its illusionary. Letting go requires surrendering control and trusting in the natural flow of life. This can be challenging if we are accustomed to being in control.
To counteract these fears and make the process of letting go more receptive and empowering, we must subscribe to a new school of thought.
We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.
~Albert Einstein.
Letting go is a difficult process as it involves confronting our emotions, fears, uncertainty and challenging our deeply ingrained beliefs and habits.
What is Letting Go?
Letting go is the process of releasing attachment to something. That can be a person, a situation, an emotion, or a belief.
It involves accepting what is and allowing ourselves to move forward without clinging to the past or trying to control the outcome. It is about freeing ourselves from the burden of holding on to things that no longer serve us.
To let go does not mean to get rid of. To let go means to let be.
Letting go is a process that requires requires time and patience. It is not like a light switch to be turned on and off. Its like a dance. A process of learning and continuity. I remind you to be patient and kind to yourself. Gradually, you begin to get clarity and inner peace.
12 Ways To Let Go and Find Inner Peace
- Recognize and Acknowledge Pain
The first step to letting go is accepting the fear, pain or discomfort that we feel. Your pain is valid. You may or may not deserve what you went through, but you have the responsibility to learn and heal from your experiences. By acknowledging your pain you initiate the process of letting go, healing and growing.
2. Let Go of Emotional Attachments
Sit with it.
Instead of drinking it away, smoking it away, sleeping it away, fucking it away, or running from it. Sit with it.
Healing happens by feeling
~Unknown
You are not bound to negative emotions. Allow yourself to feel these uncomfortable emotions. Allow yourself to fully experience them without judgement. Remember that emotions are natural and temporary. Allowing yourself to feel them helps you process and release them. Feel the pain and let it be. It will pass, just like the clouds in the sky.
3. Practice Forgiveness and Acceptance
”Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives tense muscles, a headache and a sow jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life.”
~Joan Lunden
It took me so long to realize that forgiveness did not mean excusing or condoning behavior. Forgiveness was about recognizing that what happened had happened and it was time to move on. I finally realized that forgiving myself and others was more about setting myself free from pain, anger, resentment and bitterness rather than it was about punishing myself for my mistakes or others for hurting me.
Forgiveness reminds me of the famous quote by Buddha that states:
”Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
4. Surrendering Control
Relinquish the need to control external circumstances. Learn to accept what is, rather than trying to manipulate or force outcomes. This means embracing both the pleasant and the unpleasant aspects of life. letting go of trying to make the world exactly as we like it or trying to avoid all the things we dislike. Instead, we can relax, accept and surrender to the uncertainty of the external world.
Remember, while external circumstances can influence our experiences, our internal responses and perceptions plays a significant role in how we interpret and react to these circumstances.
5.Living In The Present Moment
The present moment is all that truly exist. This very moment as you read this blog on your device. The moment you complete this article, the experience that you are having and what you are learning fades in the past. Only the information that you have embodied becomes a part of you.
While both the past and future both play a great role in our lives, the present moment is where life unfolds. It is the only moment we truly have control over and where we can experience life in its fullness. the present moment is where we can choose how to respond to our circumstances, make decisions and take action.
Constantly thinking about the past and worrying about the future can make it difficult to enjoy the good things we have in the here and now. Learning how to be mindful and live in the moment can give us a greater appreciation for life, help reduce stress and anxiety.
6. Cultivate Self-Compassion
Having self-compassion means being able to relate to yourself in a way that is forgiving, accepting and loving, even in situations that are difficult. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer to a dear friend.
This may look like giving ourselves support and encouragement rather than being cold and judgmental when challenges and difficulty arises in our lives. The first step to healing and becoming whole is by learning to love ourselves.
Read More: Do You Love Yourself? How To Cultivate Authentic Self-Love
7. Embrace Imperfection
” Perfection is a self destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary belief system: ” If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgement and blame.”
~Brene Brown.
Recognize that imperfection is a natural part of being human. Having flaws and being imperfect does not diminish your worth or your value. Let go of the belief that you need to be perfect to be worthy of love and belonging. Be authentic. Live your truth and those who accept you for who you are will naturally gravitate towards you.
Remember, there is a difference between perfection and healthy striving.
Read More: How To cultivate Authenticity
8. Avoid Ruminating
Rumination is when you feel stuck in a cycle of negative thoughts. By thinking about the problem constantly, you have the illusion of control-yet because you are always in the thinking mode, you never move towards action that resolve the issue or de-intensify the feeling.
Dwelling on negative thoughts or replaying distressing events in your mind can hinder the process of letting go. Redirect your thoughts towards more positive and constructive thoughts so that your thoughts serve you instead of punishing you. Remember, you are not your thoughts.
9.Cultivate Authenticity
Letting go begins with being true to ourselves. Embrace your authentic Self, including your imperfections. Avoid the need to constantly seek approval and validation from others. When we let go of this need, we liberate ourselves from opinions and expectations of others.
Embracing our authentic selves means being comfortable with who we are irrespective of others’ judgements. By releasing the need for approval, we gain the freedom to express our thoughts, emotions and passions authentically. Not only that, but when we are not silencing our own inner voices for the voices and validation from others, our own innate wisdom can bloom and grow.
10. Setting Healthy Boundaries
A boundary is a limit or edge that defines you as separate from others. Therefore, personal boundaries are mental, emotional and physical walls we create to protect ourselves from being used, manipulated, drained or violated by others.
Personal boundaries are an essential way of creating and upholding a healthy self image. Learn to establish clear boundaries to protect your well-being and prevent others from crossing lanes that may lead to discomfort or harm.
11. Cultivate Gratitude
Gratitude is the practice of recognizing and appreciating the good things we have in our lives. It involves acknowledging the blessings, kindness and beauty surrounding us, even in the midst of difficult circumstances.
By acknowledging the positive aspects of our lives and releasing resentments, we can experience profound healing and embrace a more fulfilling existence.
12. Release Attachments To Outcome.
Letting go of our attachment to the outcome is freeing. I helps us be more present with the doing, the being, the act itself rather than what might come in the future.
It helps us establish a better relationship with ourselves as we focus on our own well-being and contentment, rather than some external source of possible outcome.
What can we focus on instead of outcome?
- Intention
Focus on what you hope to bring to the task, rather than what you hope to get out of it. It is more about how you want to show up right now, rather than how you want to things to turn out in the future.
For example: I intend to provide valuable information as I write this blog
I intend to be mindful and appreciative as I go out for a walk or a run.
- The Effort
Instead of worrying about how things will turn out, pay attention instead to how much effort you are putting on the task at hand and how mindful you are when doing it. How much love and care are you giving it?
- The Process
The outcome is as a result of the process. Therefore, if you are not getting the outcome you want, focus on improving the process. What can you better? which areas can you improve on?
- The Moment
What is beautiful about this particular moment when you are doing the action? What can you notice? Can you be curious as you do the act instead of having a fixed mindset? What is there to appreciate about yourself or the other person?
- Relationships
Much more than the outcome is the relationship we have with the people we are serving or working with, or the relationship with our loved ones.
When we are focused on the outcome, we disregard the feelings of the people we are working with, snapping at them when they aren’t doing the things we’d like. Instead we can focus on connecting with them, finding ways to make them enjoy the process even more or being loving and compassionate.
By practicing the steps consistently, you will gradually release emotional attachments and cultivate a greater sense of inner peace, freedom and fulfilment. Remember, letting go is a process that takes time and effort. Take it a day at a time, a step at a time. You will begin to feel better and more peaceful and that’s when you know your actions are paying off. This journey will lead you to self-discovery.
Below is a list of carefully curated letting go quotes to support and inspire you on your journey!
Inspiring Letting Go Quotes
” The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”
~Steve Maraboli
” Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.”
~Hermann Hesse
” Letting go means to come to a realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.”
~Steve Maraboli
”One of the hardest lessons in life is letting go. Whether it’s guilt, anger, love, loss or betrayal. Change is never easy. We fight to hold on and fight to let go.”
~Unknown
” Letting go is the willingness to change your beliefs in order to bring more peace and joy into your life instead of holding onto beliefs that bring pain and suffering.”
~ Hal Tipper
”Let go of your attachment to being right, and suddenly you mind is more open.”
~Ralph Marston
” To let go is to release the images and emotions , the grudges and fears, the clingings and disappointments of past that bind our spirit.
~Jack Kornfield
” Let go of certainty. The opposite isn’t uncertainty. It’s openness, curiosity and willingness to embrace paradox , rather than choose up sides. The ultimate challenge is to accept ourselves exactly as we are, but never stop trying to learn and grow.”
~Tony Schwartz
”Let go. Why do you cling to pain? There is nothing you can do about the wrongs of yesterday. it is not yours to judge. Why hold on to the very thing which keep you from hope and love?”
~Leo Buscaglia
”In the process of letting go, you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself.”
~Deepak Chopra
” We must let go of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”
~Joseph Campbell
”The beautiful journey of today can only begin when we learn to let go of yesterday.”
~Steve Maraboli
”The only thing a person can ever really do is keep moving forward. Take that big leap forward without hesitation, without once looking back. Simply forget the past and forge towards the future.”
~Alyson Noel
”Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on.”
~Eckhart Tolle
” There are things we never want to let go of. People we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, its the beginning of a new one.”
~Unknown
”Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.”
~Oprah Winfrey
”The only way to make sense of change is to plunge into it, move with it, join the dance.”
~Alan Watts
”Whatever comes, let it come. Whatever stays, let it stay. Whatever goes, let it go.”
~Unknown
” It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not lived at all- in which case, you fail by default.”
~J.K. Rowling
”Cry. Forgive. Learn. Move on. Let your tears water the seeds of your future happiness.”
~Steve Maraboli
”When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.”
~Lao Tzu
”Anything I cannot transform into something marvelous, I let go.”
~Anais Nin
”Letting go isn’t a one time thing, its something you have to do every day, over and over again.”
~Dawson Creek
”Suffering is not holding you, you are holding suffering.”
~Buddha
”If you want to fly in the sky, you need to leave the earth. If you want to move forward, you need to let go of the past that drags you down.”
~Amit Ray
”If you want to forget something or someone, never hate it, or never hate him/her. Everything and everyone that you hate is engraved upon your heart; If you want to let go of something, if you want to forget, you cannot hate.”
~C. Joybell C.
”There ain’t no way you can hold onto something that wants to go, you understand? You can only love what you got while you got it.”
~Kate DiCamillo
”You can only lose what you cling to.”
~Buddha
”Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”
~Ann Landers
”To let go does not mean to get rid of. To let go means to let be. When we let be with compassion, things come and go on their own.”
~Jack Kornfield
”If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.”
~Ajahn Chah
