When I hear or read about the word authenticity, the advice that i believe most of us have once been given comes to mind. ”Be yourself”

It sounds so simple but what does it really mean? when we are asked to be ourselves, which ”self” are we referring to? Is it the different personalities that we shift depending on the place or people we are with? Or the Self that is the very core of who we really are. The one that never changes, our very own essence. Spirituality refers to it as our Higher Self.

If you believe it is the latter, you are right!

Many of us are aware of this innate part of us even though most of us are disconnected from it. We are not authentic to ourselves because we don’t even know who we really are. It is no wonder we feel so empty inside, no matter how much we acquire, it just never enough to fill the gaping hole inside our hearts.

So how do we disconnect from our authentic selves?

As children, we had a great sense of wonder and desire to live and explore. We lived in the present moment and were never tied down with the regrets of the past or the anxieties of the future. Our self worth was derived from our authentic selves.

But as we grew older and our thinking brain began to develop, so did our thoughts and with thoughts comes fears, so as the need to be accepted. The society domesticated us by rewarding us with love and attention for behaviors deemed acceptable and punishing us with rejection for those deemed unacceptable.

In the end, we learnt that different people expected different things from us. Our parents, peers, friends, priests, lovers, siblings. Therefore, we learnt to split ourselves into different versions in order to survive. We became too good at living by these different identities that we forgot who we are.

I created this website from this very foundation. To remind us of who we really are and to help us journey back to ourselves and reclaim the power that we have lost so we can live fulfilling lives, not merely survive.

This fragmented self is referred to as the ” ego” or the adaptive self. It is false and illusionary and the very source of our suffering. The ego cannot be our true self because it lacks true depth and changes with age and time. It prioritizes fitting in, getting along and doing what we are told.

The authentic self on the other hand, prioritizes living according to your values, pursuing our purpose and fighting for the courses that we believe in.

So the next time someone advises you to be yourself, you know they are daring you to take off the mask and show up as your authentic Self. Your true nature.

What is authenticity?

To be authentic simply mean to be real, genuine or original. Authenticity is a state where your beliefs, decisions, values and desires are in alignment with your actions.

How Do We Cultivate Authenticity?

”Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to let our truest selves be seen.”

Brene brown-gifts of imperfection

We do not wake up and become authentic. Showing up as our authentic Selves require us to make a conscious choice of doing so, every single day. It is a life long process. It may seem easier in theory but may be difficult in practice as we are required to let go of our fear to be judged and the need to be liked. But like every process, it gets better with time and practice.

So, what are some ways that we can practice authenticity?

1. Cultivate self-awareness by observing yourself

It is difficult to cultivate authenticity when we feel lost and do not know who we are. Therefore, the first step to develop authenticity is to watch ourselves. If we feel lost, it means that the adaptive self (ego) is running our lives. We have lived most of our lives on auto pilot, repeating the same thought patterns, same actions, same reactions, for so long that we fundamentally believe that that is who you are.

Make a conscious choice to observe how you live in the present moment. How do you react when you don’t get what you want? How do you act under pressure? How do you respond to challenges? Link

Remember that the fragmented self prioritizes fitting in, getting along and doing what we are told while the authentic self prioritizes living according to your values, pursuing your purpose and fighting for the courses you care about. With this in mind, practice identifying if what you observe is authentic or inauthentic. This will help expose the falseness in you and give space for the truth.

2. Explore your values

If we are feeling that we are lost, it means that we are not living out our values. Living out our values help us feel and be more authentic. Though, when we have strayed so far away from our authentic selves, we may forget what our values are. Therefore it is important to explore our values and figure out how we may start living them out in our daily lives. Journaling and self-reflection may be a great place to start!

3. Make a conscious choice to practice authenticity daily

Cultivating authenticity takes the willingness to do so everyday in the daily actions that we take. Authenticity is like a muscle that requires effort and practice to grow. Do not forget that it is a process, perhaps, a life long one as we always evolve. Be patient with yourself and take it one day at a time.

4. Let go of the need to take everything personally and accept that you can’t please everyone

It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not

Andre Gide

One of the reasons why we find it so hard to be authentic is because we’d rather be liked than be real. The need to be liked is so deeply ingrained in us that we find it difficult to let our authentic selves be seen. We are afraid to be potentially judged or disliked and we’d rather sacrifice our own values and needs to get approval. Most of us from dysfunctional families even believe that this may be an act of charity or what makes one a ”good person”.

We can’t move the same way if we want to be authentic. We have to cultivate the courage to face our fears and let our authentic selves be seen. The way to go about this is by fully accepting who we are, our strengths and our imperfections and having the courage and self-confidence to share that with the world.

5. Practice self love and compassion for yourself and others

It takes self love for our authentic self to emerge because when we love ourselves unconditionally, we also accept ourselves fully. We recognize and embrace our strengths, weaknesses and quirks. When we accept ourselves as we are, we foster a deep sense of self worth that gives us the ability to engage with the world from a place of authenticity.

6. Be impeccable with your word

Taking the path of healing has taught me the importance of being honest with others and mostly with myself. Without brutal honesty, there can never be any personal growth. Truthfulness exposes what is inauthentic in us and gives us the opportunity to make better choices that are in alignment with our values, beliefs and desires. Embracing authenticity allows us to tap into our personal power and helps us create meaningful connections.

When we are honest with ourselves, we get a clear understanding of our strengths and weakness. This enable us to know where to make improvements and make better decisions.

7. Strive to improve yourself.

Life is always trying to teach us something. Are we paying attention? When we don’t learn, the same lessons are presented to us until we learn and make different choices so we can move to a higher insight. Therefore, developing a growth mindset is essential for growth. When we are open to new new knowledge, we can grow more quickly and grow our authenticity muscle.

8. Delve deeper within yourself through inner work

When you look at yourself through a stained mirror, the image appears to be blurry. Let’s assume that the blurry image is your authentic self and the stain is the falseness that prevents you from being authentic. I therefore tend to compare the process of wiping off the mirror in order to get a clearer view as the process of doing introspective inner work.

Inner work is an essential practice that helps you to me more authentic. There are three types of inner works; 1) Inner Child work, 2) Shadow Work, 3) Self love.

When I first start began going through the rabbit hole of spiritual awakening, I discovered lonerwolf.com, a spiritual website run by spiritual educators, Mateo and Aletheia. It greatly supported me on my spiritual awakening journey and I use it to date.

They provide profound information and practical resources to guide you on your spiritual path. I had the opportunity to work with their inner child journal, self love journal and currently with the shadow work journal and trust me, the results are incredible.

If you’d like to get any of them to further your spiritual awakening and healing journey, find the inner child work journal here, the self love journal here, and the shadow work journal here. You can also get a bundle that contains all the three journals and other 70+ items that will aid you in your path! (all in one bundle), here.

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In conclusion, I believe that if you landed on this site, you are a person who is seeking for something more fulfilling rather than the mundane. The journey towards healing is not pretty, but it is worth it. You will have to deal to finally confront your demons, face your fears, feel your pain, cry yourself to sleep and finally stop running from yourself. I am not writing because I am an expert in healing and spirituality, I am writing because I have been through the same path, still on it, and I believe that it we can carry through with the help of one another. I am here to to assure you that you are not alone and you will get through this! So, carry on, dear seeker!